Bloody world.

I just don't get this world. This world is getting worse and worse. How can there be so many bad guys out there and not get caught yet? Just found out not long ago that my ex deskmate(the lovely TJE) got snatched/robbed in IPOH. IPOH. A town I live in practically my whole life. I always thought of Ipoh as a save place. Guess not anymore. It's just that in Subang Jaya, it's twice the time worse that ipoh. I don't know about her condition yet. Just knew that she got hurt. Gah! What's seriously wrong with this world? Or should I say, what's wrong with us? Either we're not careful enought or we're going through this to pay our sin. I surely believe whatever we did in our past life affects our present. Now I know I'm not alone, truth to be told, I'm a lil worried, in the meantime relief. Worrying in the sense that this world is not the world I live in 10 years ago. Relief as in the sense that there's someone out there facing the same thing as I do. So I intend to help them. Just like how the others help me. I wanna help them go through what I'd gone thru. Sleepless night, afraid of walking alone anymore... Anything. I'll def help them. These snatches should just suffer in hell. Enough of them. For those who did bad in the presence, karma's a bitch. So I'm not worried.

New rental.

Looks like I found myself a room that I really love. I am never gonna stay at housing area ever(unless i'm married). I sacrificed my bag with lots of memories in it leaving in that shit. "Yea, serve you right Junyi, for not being extremly careful." As usual, my post will be as emo as the past few posts. I don't know when will I have the courage again to walk alone to college again. Been doing a lot of thinking lately. I heard someone whom I respect telling his daughter before his daughter board on plane to melborne to future her studies. He said:"Be good there. Study hard. Don't spend your future money." Suddenly something strikes me. It actually sounds meaningful. Why am I wasting my own future money now? I should've studied harder. Not go to college for the sake of going. About my future, I realize that It's because I'm afraid that I'll fail in dentistry so I'm constantly finding other jobs/coarses which are much easier compare to dentistry. Those coarses which I mentioned earlier are my interests. Interests and jobs sometimes just don't mix. I finally admit about this. So, I'm not gonna think of my future first. For now, I'm gonna fucking pass my A level with straight A's and in the meantime, keep my options open. 4As! That's my next goal!=) I might need some time to get over the snatching case. I realise that what's gone is gone. You can't have it back. Even my iPhone. I believe that there's something good out there waiting for me. I'll try my best to forget about what they did to me and my bag. I'll try to let go. (BTW, I SUCK AT LETTING GO). You can't deny that the last time I lost my camera, I took two months to get over it. Let time do the healing. Someday, I'll have all my things back. To all the snatches around the world or guys who intend to do bad stuff to the community, THINK FUCKING TWICE BEFORE YOU DO. YOU WON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IMPACT YOU'LL GIVE FOR ONE. SOME MIGHT EVEN DIE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID. PLUS, YOU'LL BE CAUGHT AND BE LOCKED UP FOREVER. THE SENTENCE WILL BE FOREVER. I HOPE YOU NOTICE THAT. YOU HAVE PERFECT ENERGY,BODY(YOU'RE NOT OKU ARE YOU?) TO WORK AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY. WHY CHOOSE THE BAD SIDE? MY KINDLY ADVICE TO YOU,STOP HARMING THE COMMUNITY. LET THE COMMUNITY LIVE IN PEACE. God please make the community a peaceful one.

Changes

Was just looking at my old phone(cause iPhone's been snatched). Realized that I've changed a lot. 3 years ago, I was not as complicated as now. It's just 3 years ago. What could've happen to me? For everyone can tell, I'm not as naive/childish as 3 years ago. Sometimes, I just wanna go back. I wish I'd never grow up you know. I wish I never come to KL to study. KL is just like any other city. The difference is KL is a larger city. I don't know how long can I survive in here. This place, it's just so strange for me. TOO STRANGE! After what the snatchers did to me, I don't know when will I walk out of the shadows of walking alone. I never walk alone anymore. I just to love walking alone, just like the movies. GAH! They kept appearing in my mind like non stop. Why can't they just go away?! I really hope they notice how much people they are harming and really just stop harming innocent people. With this kinda bad people in the world, this world will never be in peace. Talking about changes. Now that the area is not safe, looks like I need a new place to stay in. This is another changes I hate. Moving out of a comfortable environment to another strange place. How can I bear to adapt a place for so many times? I can't do it for that long. Please god, just make my life a lil bit comfortable, a lil bit of peaceful and a lil bit less worrying. I always thought I was the luckiest person alive. No worries. No need to worry about anything. But when I came to KL, everything becomes a worry to me. I wish someone will just be by my side and say everything's gonna be okay. I just miss my grandpa. I miss my whole family. I really don't feel like leaving them anymore. I just wanna be 17 forever. Never grow up. That's what I want now. Somebody, anybody. Make it come true. God knows that it's impossible. I have nothing to say no more. Tears in my face expressed everything I'm going through now.

Snatching case

If I could foresee my future. If I could prevent myself from getting harmed. If I have super power. So many If's. Yet, none has changed from If's to reality. Reality proves me wrong. Damn wrong. For all my life, I've been wanting to have a new life after high school. Now? Not sure I wanna continue or not. My bag's been snatched, on 12/02/2012. Don't worry. Nothing has happened to me. Just some external injuries. I've lost a lot. Not only my bag. That pack of money grandpa left for me? It's inside that bag too. If anyone would've known me very well, I'd curse them till death. But why curse? I can't change anything. If I'd never go to college this early,If I haven't take that route home, If I never bring my bag out, If I'd go home later... GAH! I felt so useless, helpless, and alone after that. I've lost my faith in people in this world. They don't know my pain inside. Everytime I close my eyes, flashes of images of me being robbed by those filthy Indian guys kept replaying none stop. I wish I could delete those bad memories. Sleepless nights are yet to come. I hope that god is always with me. My god is great. He'd sent my grandpa to the beautiful east heaven wherer there is no pain, just pure happiness. I just hope you'd take this bad memory away too. Reduce the pain I'm suffering right now. This world, It's wonderful, beautiful and awesome. But It's also a scary world where anything bad can happen to anyone.

True Friends like them.

When you found your true friends, it's really hard for you when both of you go separate ways. The thing I'm most afraid of is to lost contact with them. They have been in my life for 5 solid years. There are ups and downs in our friendships. But in the end, our friendships grew so much stronger. I'm realy glad I met them in my life. The best thing in my high school life will be them - The 3P7ians of '09. Nobody gets me as quickly as them. With one eye contact, we knew what each other are trying to tell us. Not long ago, Tracy lined me. She said her friends there are cool. But they are not like us. This is definitely true. Although I have my new classmates and all, I still find myself finding them more often. We clicked instantly although we didn't meet each other for months. I love them. For 5 more days, Fei's leaving. A sense of sadness kept rushing up my nose. Never knew when everybody tell each other's future during form 1, It'll arrive that quickly. I miss those time when we act completely silly and out of our minds. We always do crazy stuff like nobody's business. I hope that we won't loose contact at all. If we do, I'll be devastated but in the mean time, I'll also wish all of you luck in the future. May our paths meet again my friends!=D

Dreams come/don't come true?

How many of you are confuse in what are you gonna become in the future? How many of you have dreams but are afraid to pursue it? How many of you do not have dreams at all? How many of you are pursuing your dreams right now by doing jobs you truly like? Chances for the last questions are dime. Not saying that 7 billion people in this world don't get to pursue their dreams at all. I've been confuse by my own dream(or you can say job) since 17,since the day I told my parents I do not want to become a dentist anymore. The reason why is not because I do not like that job. I love that job. That job is what my parents are doing for one quater of their lives in order to support the family. This job literally save my whole family from financial problems and other stuff. I just don't have as much passion as them. PASSION. How many of you really have a clue what it is? Everybody knows the meaning of it. In fact, if you wanna know the true meaning, you can just google it and pages regarding meaning of passion will be just clicks away. For one to find their own passion and pursue it, this is hard. My parents found it, Xavier found it, Teacher Rosalina found it...and some other more. Their passion for their jobs is undescrible. But look at someone who actually hate their jobs and kept changing their jobs. It's because they haven't found their passion yet.(Personally opinion) Even if they did, reality says no. I'm just really sad when someone has to give up their passion because of reality. I had a talk with my mum about me studying film making. She said no to it. She said I'm still young and I don't really know what reality's like. She continued,"One day if you wake up and realize you have serious financial problem, you wouldn't want to pursue your dreams at all. All you wanna do is do jobs that earn a lot of money." I guess, I really do not have a clue about poverty. And then, one simple question hit me hard. She asked,"Junyi dear, why you keep changing what you wanna study?" I stunned there. Cause I really don't know why. I spend the whole night wondering and I slowly break down the courses/jobs I said before. For every dreams(or jobs), every courses I wanna study, it leads back to one course - Mass Communication. Mass Com includes all kinds of stuff. From public speaking to media planning to film studies, that's it! All the stuff I love to do. I used to tell my mum I wanna become an event manager. All sorts of events. Concerts, weddings,birthday bash,meetings,sports... All kind! And my dream hasn't change. Studying film making is just another bonus for me if I'm really studying Mass Com. But I think again, I need a strong base! So,I've come to a decision. I'm gonna study Nutrition and Dietician as my strong base.(In case I really don't survive in media world) YEAH! I'M GONNA WORK MY ASS ON A LEVELS AND PURSUE MY STUDIES IN NUTRITION AND DIETICIAN. IN THE MEAN TIME, I'M GONNA GET MYSELF INVOLVE IN THINGS I LOVE TO DO.=D I think I already have set my goals by writing this post.=D Fingers crossed for them to really come true.=/ Last question with an answer. Have anyone of you just wake up one morning and suddenly have a clue what are you gonna do in life and in the meantime, pursue your own dream? I HAVE!=D

Role Model

He is a guy whom when you see him, you just feel completely relief. Just by looking at his face, you'll eventually smile without yourself knowing. I knew him, not for long. As the matter of fact, not even for a year. I'm just glad I get to know this guy. Without him, I'll be such a confusion. I might not even be in college right now. I might not know the true meaning of life. He always say, GO LIVE YOUR LIFE, LIFE IS SHORT, ENJOY IT BEFORE IT'S OVER... He always save me from all my problems. He seldom says NO to anyone. Of course, don't think otherwise... He's def my role model in life. I just wanna express how bless am I to get to know this particular person. THANK YOU! FOR ALWAYS BE SUPPORTIVE, FOR ALWAYS HELPING EVERYONE AND FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUE MEANING OF LIFE. XOXO

CNY

This Lunar Chinese New Year is very different compared to the past years.
After grandpa passed away, everything changes in this big family. The good thing is, it brought everyone closer than ever.
The bad thing is, watching grandma suffering from Parkinson disease just makes me cry sometimes. I hope she will be health. Just be health. As long as she's health, I don't mind if she doesn't remember me. Health, that's all I hope for her.
Of course, we did not get much angpao this year. But that's not the point. Angpao is just red pocket with money. There's just not much happiness in the family this year. The adults are constantly worrying about grandma. We, the teenagers kept our mouth shut and do our stuffs. Nobody dare to mention anything sad in front of them.
I just wish I'd have a Chinese new year just like last year, again. But god knows it's highly impossible.
Don't worry. I'm not sad. I chose to face the truth.

Parkinson.

It's somehow heart breaking realizing that the one who's been the head of the entire family pass away.
It's even heart breaking watching the one who's been left behind suffering from the disease of Parkinson constantly.
Her hands were trembling. A massive weight lose is noticeable. She constantly suffer from memory loss. She has to sit on a wheel chair. She can no longer stand on her feet and walk like she used to, do daily activities like she used to. I have not taste her delicious and mouth watering food for years. She has loss her confidence.
I hope that I can help her in anyways. But I can't take away the pain she's suffering right now.
I don't ever want her to leave us. I don't wanna go through the pain of losing anymore. I just hope this family stays where it is, forever.
If there is anyway I can help you, grandma, I will. I just want you to live, happily. That's all I hope to see in you.

Swearing all day long

Today might be the day which I swear vulgar words the most. I've never Been so pissed.
First of all, it was him. He used me as a starter in order to scold the whole class. Of course I felt fucking humiliated. I wanted to cry so fucking badly. But I managed to pull myself together. You can't take this as a whatever the fuck it is okay. I fucking love it and you go and fucking crush my confidence in it. Of course I studied it.
I am not as smart as my classmates. I need to study very fucking hard in order to get an A+ for my forecast. You don't know how much I've sacrificed in the past. So do not ever pick on a person as a starter so you can scold the whole class. You did it with no intentions. But you're secretly killing my confidence inside. Do you know how fucking hard it is for a person to pick up the confidence they've built for years? Congratulations. You just crushed mine. That's the main reason why I swear so much. Cause you fucking make me insecure about myself and everything in my life. I felt insecure and I felt helpless. That's why I swear. So that people will stay away from me and not crush me anymore. You're a fucking adult already. You should know.
Secondly, I'm seriously disappointed in myself. How can I make such stupid mistake? I know I ain't clever at all. I studied a thousand times in order to get where I am today. A lot of hard work had been paid off. I guess it's just not enough yet. Everyday I try to convince myself, I constantly try to motivate myself. But secretly I know that the insecurity will never go away. It will constantly mocking my life like nobody else's business. I hope that one day I'll find my way in life, I'll find a purpose, a job that I love in life. I hope my find my real self someday and realize that with that, I'm beautiful enough.
The reason I don't communicate with my classmates much is because I'm lacking of confidence. I felt like I'm not good enough comparing with them. They are fucking smart. So I felt a great sense of pressure around me. I rather be invincible than being look down on. That's the last thing I want from my new friends, to think that I'm not good enough to be their friends.
Living alone ain't fun at all. You constantly feel the stress around you. You have to stress about money, studies, food, house, room... Everything. If I have a chance again, I'll be 17 again and stay that way. I don't care if I have to retake how many times of SPM. But I can't in real life. Life goes on and I'm growing up too. Of course you'll face obstacles in every stage of your life. You just have to get used to it. But I'm not ready yet you know.
Everybody has their secret. Mine would probably be the word insecurity.

F.A.M.I.L.Y

It's weird that some of the teenagers actually hate their family. Without them, who are you? Without them, you wouldn't be able to survive at all. Without them, you are nothing. I actually feel blessed I'm born in this ordinary yet unordinary family. We're simple as ABC. We live a very simple life. That's what make this family special. SIMPLE. Sometimes the more complicated you make your life, the more you suffer. So why not simple? I am grateful cause everytime I ask for help from them, they never say NO. Same as me. I will never say no to them. Without them, I can't survive a day. Without them, I will never go to college. Without them, there's no me. So THANK YOU!<3 ILOVEYOU!

Untitled

Imagining you have to unfriend your best friend because of his/her other half.
Living in this city alone is not as easy as I think so. It's not as fun as I imagine. And so when I found out there's Ipoh friends here, I kinda depend on them. I never knew it is gonna be that hard.
For all this years, I've always wanted to go to college. I'm always excited about it. But everyday I go to college with butterflies in my stomach. I'm afraid to sit alone, I'm afraid I do not see any familiar faces, I'm afraid of being bullied. I really am. Call me a coward I don't care. I've always Been insecure. Since I was little. So when I offer a friendship, I treat it well. Those who does not appreciate it at all, you can just turn to the left and never appear in my life again.
I know there are some amazing people out there. I just need to find 'em.

Arrival

So yesterday was quite a fun day for me. I gotta do all those things alone. Doing things alone just taught me how to survive alone where there are no friends and family around.
Today is gonna be a better day though. Friends are arriving. Finally! I've been waiting. :).
Alright! Off I go! Everyone, stay positive. Cause that's what kept me going.

Exploration

Realize I am gonna do more blogging than ever.
Reason being is I don't feel like writing my daily routine on Facebook for everyone to get all judgmental and judge my life.
The second day being in the city. Last night, I talked to a great friend of mine. Told her all my problems and she actually did help me in a lot of ways. (If you are reading this, I think you will be a pretty good psychologist.)
So today, I ain't gonna stay in my room all day. I'm gonna do some exploration. (Fingers cross that I don't get lost!) maybe meeting some new people in town? Or even better, watch a movie alone!:)
Today is gonna be a great day. Why? Because I believe so.

First night at this oh-so-awesome-yet-so-creepy city

I can't believe. For all these years, I've wanted to go to college so badly and start all over again. The day has finally arrive.
I didn't feel happy about it. I felt scared and lonely.
The main reason is I'm staying alone without any friends. This leads to meeting new housemates(which I doubt they will all like me) and also walking to college alone everyday.
Moreover, I miss my bed! This new bed just doesn't seem right to me/for me.
Maybe I haven't got used to all these stuff, yet.
Everything is so new. It's like starting a new life here.
Honestly, I am really not good at meeting new people. I'm really scare they will judge. Well, everyone judge.
The first night in this city. How will it turn out?

14/11/2011

When most of the people sees the date, they spells horror! Well, it's because they are SPM candidates.
Luckily, this year is my turn.(Finally!)
I can't say that I did very very well. I did well. But not too well. Well, I did okay for the first week. Although I got a lil panicky and all but I manage to pull myself together. All I can say is, I underestimated the government. Seriously, salute! LOL.
One week down, three more weeks to go! I believe I can! I believe to achieve! And I will achieve.
Till next time.:)

Pre Graduation

This is it. The day I've been waiting my whole life. Yet a sense of sadness came rushing towards me when it arrives.
Graduation Day.
For the pass five years I've been thinking how my graduation will be like. Then I realize, it'll definitely be out of my expectation.
School. A place full of memories. Every corner of school has a story. We've been thru some rough parts and of course happiness in the school.
Some day when we turn around and look back our past, high school will be the one we'll remember the most. Cause it is the happiest days of our lives.
After today, there will be no school for us, there will be no teachers for us, there will be no classrooms, staff rooms, canteen for us.
There will only be college, lecturer, lecture hall, office, and cafeteria for us.
Take a minute and go thru every bit of your life as a high school student. You're gonna need them someday.:)
Before I get out of the car and face the music, I want to tell everyone that whatever life throws at you, always stay strong and persevere. Cause it is the only way for you to overcome the barrier ahead of you. Never give up and never say never.

Happy Graduation Form 5s' 2011!!!

Love,
JTL

最后一堂课

在二十个小时前，我们上了最后一堂的华语课。那可说是最短但影响最深刻的华语课。
她说，以往的最后一堂课，她的学生都会收到一些小礼物。
今年却有一点不同。我们并没有礼物或巧克力。但我们得到的，却往往比礼物来的多。
人生真的很短。做人不要太执着。金钱不是一切。十个A更加不是。有些事情是可以放开的。一切都可以放弃。不要太冲忙地去达成梦想，目标。凡是都慢着来。享受过程，不论结果好与坏。。。
在短短的十分钟内，她告诉我们的不是考试范围内的提示，而是做人的道理。我很肯定地对世界说，在我国很难找到为华语鞠躬尽瘁的好老师。
她从不为好成绩而教书。她是为传教母语而教书的。为了我们的母语，华语，她付出的，往往比我们想象中的多。

她成功地把我们对华语的思想改正了。她也成功的把从来不认为自己的华语很好的人，感化了。
她让我们知道，若身为黄皮肤的华人不学好母语，为了得到好成绩而放弃华文课，母语将会永远消失。
从今以后，我没有华语课上了，但我却会说口流利的华语；我不可能像九把刀一样成为小说家，但起码我写得出一篇短文，写得出一手好汉字。
我承认我是个蛮偏向西方国家的人，但我永远都不会忘记，披在我身上的皮是黄色的。我是个华人。

在那短短的十分钟内，她深深感动了学生，也教会了我们人生的道理。

谢谢您，乡老师。

SPM

How important is SPM? It's really important for those who intend to score straight As'. Without that piece of paper, you can't go far.
And who says that?!
No! People with not so good result gets a pretty amazing job too. Look at Bill Gates. He did not get first place in class and now he's a world known billionaire.
I might not be a billionaire. I might not be Taylor Lautner's wife. I might not be Bruno Mars or even Oprah.
I just wanna be Teh Junyi aka JTL. Cause I know I'm special in my own way. I wanna do things I like. I wanna have a job that I truly love, and that money isn't that important.(Truth is, money is really important when you decided to start a family with your other half)
The first step is, SPM. SPM is the first step to the rest of my life. I intend to score in SPM. I have faith. So pray hard, work harder. Go go go!

Wishing everyone whose taking SPM the best of luck.

JTL